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This is the truth
But it is a very long winded story and the lessons within apply to much in the inventors life
POSTMAN’S BANE
This story contains some of the many problems Inventors face and is
TOLD AS A LIGHT HEARTED STORY
It is here only because its all I have to put here at present please send me yours
DOGS CHEW LETTERS
DOGS CHASE POSTMEN
DOGS BITE POSTMEN
A problem like this is inevitably the spark that starts an inventor’s brain in motion
and we are all inventors at heart
STOP reading this just for now and think about the problem
Don't read on till you have INVENTED your solution.
HOW WOULD YOU SOLVE IT ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Dependent on the TIME you have spent thinking you have possibly
Thought :-
Shoot the dog
Muzzle the bitch
Encase the letter box
Supply the postman with chain mail
Do like as in the US - don't have letterboxes
Etc etc etc.
Thinking time is very very important and should not be abandoned on impulse.
So it is generally believed that postmen have problems with dogs.
NOT TRUE it's Dogs that have problems with postmen,
let me CRYPTICALLY explain :-
Once upon a six o‘clock in the morning, Pat the postman was delivering letters in the middle of winter to a pretty little snow-
covered cottage, fearful because Mrs Doting was known to have a
troublesome dog called Lizzy. As Pat the postman was walking up the path.
The Wizard Merlyn, at Lizzy‘s
request, was there to wave his wand and swap the
consciousness of Pat for that of Lizzy, and in a flash the deed was
done. Pat found himself wondering why he was ripping up the letters he
had just posted. He soon settled down, when he felt the warmth of the
log fire as he snuggled in his basket by the door and went to sleep.
Later he was gently awoken by a tasty aroma, and he pondered why he just
lay there. Then he realised that with his greatly increased doggy
senses, the meat he could smell was still in the tin, because he had not
(with his now acute hearing) heard it slide into his dish. When it was
heard, off he went and gobbled the lot not chancing the cat getting any.
The rest of the day was spent very happily chasing the cat,
eating, sleeping, drinking and being fussed over by Mrs Doting, ending
the day back in the cosy basket by the door. When the TV and lights went
off and Mrs Doting went to bed, Pat became very aware that his sense of
hearing was unbelievably good because he could even hear the spiders
spinning their webs. As he slipped into a deep and tranquil sleep he
started to dream about the poodle at the paper shop and the
nice....bones.........z z z z z z
BANG
CRASH
WALLOP
Pat the postman awoke very disorientated, heart pounding, from
his usual Sunday nap in front of the telly. His mischievous kids had
yet again quietly piled up everything that would make a loud noise into
a massive pile and then knocked it over with a tin tray. Well, Pat was
furious, even though it had happened many times before. He chased them
around the room tripping over his own dog who didn‘t move, and when he
caught them he was about to crack their heads together when, in
desperation, the kids offered their lollipops as compensation,
(ahh)
There was a long silence,
a blank look on Pat‘s face, and then-
EUREKA
He cried, dropping the kids on the cat
He could now solve
postman‘s bane!.
Based on the experiences he noted, dogs have very good hearing,
dogs being rudely awakened each morning by the postmen pushing letters
through a letter box, making what "to the dog• is one hell of a noise,
without compensation ? -
No wonder dogs don‘t like postmen.
Acting on his observations, a trip to the vets confirmed why Pat's own
dog (who is not allowed on the furniture) had recently stopped vacating
Pat's armchair when Pat came downstairs first thing in the morning and
why he had stopped barking at the paper boy. "The dog had gone DEAF with
old age•.
Pat still delivers letters but now takes with him a bag of
sweeties and throws one through the letterbox of each house that has a
dog. Pat reasoned that in time the dog would begin to like the postman.
Pat has unwittingly become obsessed and turned inventor,
spending all his cash and working every spare moment on a gismo to fix
to the inside of any front door, so that the action of pushing letters
through the letter box automatically dispenses a sweet for the dog as
compensation. But until it is perfected and of course patent protected
he is fearful of telling his mates or asking the post office to
reimburse the sweety money in case they or someone else steals his idea.
He also had the idea of formulating a light-hearted little book
fully explaining his observations and asking the dog owners to supply
the sweeties or the like in say, red waterproof containers fixed outside
by the letterboxes, so any postman seeing one would throw in a titbit
from the container first before posting the letters but quickly
dismissed it because they would not buy his
"POSTMAN’S PAL•
So Pat is willing to stand the cost of the sweeties to provide
protection for himself because
"POSTMAN’S PAL•
will be finished
"NEXT WEEK•
ONE
HAPPY EVER AFTER
POSTMAN
Inspired by the antics of Merlyn's DEAF dog Lizzy
and a mate Barrie
There is of course
NO
THEY ALL
LIVED HAPPY EVER AFTER
2
Pat is still pestered by all the dogs but now wanting more andmore sweeties.
He was sued by all the dog owners on his round because
all had rotten teeth or were overweight.
To pay the fines and the extortionate legal fees,
Pat had to get a part time job DAYS,
Compounded by massive vet‘s bills for his own, old, now deaf dog who got run over because the dog couldn‘t hear the car coming.
Pat has never had the time to finish the gismo and now never will have enough of the attributes needed to be a
"FINANCIALLY SUCCESSFUL INVENTOR•
HAPPY NIGHTMARES
BY WIZARD MERLYN M.M.C.
CAMALOT CASTLE
1 PARKFIELD RD STOURBRIDGE
WEST MIDLANDS DY8 1HD GB
Spelling by Mr GARETA
@COPYRIGHT1994